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How to stay married all of your life.

The need to be rational:

Let's think of marriage and divorce in purely practical, rational terms. I know that in many cases, couples (or at least one of the parties of a marriage) reach a point where they are no longer able to consider things in rational, non-emotional terms, and if that is the case, there really is no hope of improvement or repairing the marriage. When you reach the point where you are saying, "Don't confuse me with the facts, my mind's made up," then there really is no hope for improvement.

Often times the wounded spouse will say that they are being rational, but that there is no hope. They would say that they are totally frustrated with the situation, they have reached the limit of their endurance,

When one of the spouses has reached this point, short of a change in spirit where that individual is willing to stop and think in rational terms, there really is no hope of improvement, so let's look at what the implications to that are.

Divorce is a destructive activity

Divorce is a distructive activity. It is only destructive. There is nothing constructive about it.
Now some might say, that destruction is called for in some instances, and I agree. Sometimes we must destroy the old so that we can rebuild something better. Divorce occurs with this rationale.

The problem is, that we cannot vacate the premises before we perform the destructive activity. There are people living in the marriage that is being destroyed - this is particularly true if there are childern involved.

So, is that an alternative? Suppose we were to invest the time, effort, and money into our marriage, that we were planning to invest in first destroying the marriage (divorce) and then rebuilding another one.

The problem is, that we become so frustrated, so infuriated, so depressed, that we so no hope of rebuilding, of fixing up, or repair. We give up. We decide there is no hope. We decide that things cannot be fixed. We've tried and we've tried.

But have we really considered the time, effort and expense we have decided to spend to tear down and rebuild? Have we considered the people who are going to be hurt by the destruction process? And finally, we think that we are going to rebuild anew, but we cannot. There will always be those vestigages of

In marriage, there are a thousand things that have been worked out in order that a couple can live together peacefully. All of that work is thown out the window when a divorce takes place. Its easy to loose sight of those details.

Why I wrote this:

I have a friend who is going through divorce and I hate to see that. No good will come of it. I have been thinking about what I would say to him if given the chance, and I have been praying for the chance. I certainly don't hold myself out to be a marriage counselor, but I have given this much thought in order to keep myself motivated in my own marriage - yes there have been times when my marriage has not been very pretty.